Kurt Mortensen
I teach persuasion and influence because this is a skill we should have learned in school. We all persuade and influence for a living. In fact, did you know most CEO’s have a sales or marketing background? It is true. They had to master the world of persuasion and influence before they could lead a company.
Let’s see if you can answer the Persuasion IQ question of the week.
The brick wall of resistance thickens when you:
a) List all the features and benefits.
b) Don’t respect their time
c) Become arrogant.
d) B and C.
e) All of the above.
Subtle things can cause prospects to subconsciously resist you and your offer. The answer to this Persuasion IQ questions is E. When you vomit all the features without asking questions, it triggers resistance. If you don’t respect them or you are perceived as arrogant, it triggers resistance. All the answers will trigger resistance. Let’s focus on arrogance since it is a perception, not a reality. The key is to come across as confident, not cocky. What is the difference between arrogance and confidence?
You may be wondering, “If a persuader seems overly confident, can’t that also hurt the ability to persuade?” The answer is a resounding yes. It is important that you do not come across as cocky or arrogant. How can you tell the difference? It’s all about the intention. Confidence is motivated by a sincere desire to serve-you can help make a difference, and you know you can do a great job. You know that you have the tools, resources, ability, and inclination to do the job that’s required of you. In contrast, cockiness is driven by a need to serve yourself, instead of serving others.
Deep down, cockiness actually reveals insecurity-the very opposite of confidence. The distinguishing feature seems to be intent. Cocky individuals seek approval, recognition, and honor from all the wrong sources, in all the wrong ways, and for all the wrong reasons. They are really looking for pats on their own back. Cockiness is self-centered, whereas confidence is people-centered. Cockiness is about the persuader and confidence is about the customer.
Cocky or arrogant behavior usually elicits these types of complaints:
* He acted like he owned the place.
* She treated me like a child.
* She did not listen to what I wanted.
* He didn’t ask permission to . . .
* He blamed others.
* She did not own up to her mistake.
* He never answered my question.
* She always has to be right.
* He is arrogant and condescending.
If your audience senses any pride or superiority, the game is over, just the same as if you were not confident enough. It simply doesn’t matter if you say and do all the right things. If you turn people off, it’s a lost cause. If they don’t like you, they will not allow themselves to be persuaded by you. Here are some additional ways you can avoid the trap of seeming overly confident:
* Always be genuinely open to feedback or criticism.
* Be willing to listen-don’t always be the one talking.
* Admit when you’re wrong.
* Be honest about the strengths and weaknesses of your product.
* Never interrupt.
* Ask questions to demonstrate care and concern and to be sure you clearly understand your audience’s needs and wants.
* Use external credibility (testimonials, endorsements, referrals, etc.)
People who lack confidence will always struggle to effectively influence others. If you’re perceived as doubtful or underconfident, your audience will feel that way, too-about your product, about your idea, or about anything else you might ever try to present to them. Don’t panic if you don’t feel full confidence 100 percent of the time. Complete confidence in oneself takes experience, time, practice, and patience.
Persuade with Power
(Reprinted by Permission from Kurt Mortensen – http://www.persuasioniq.com/)








